Dedication: My Father the Hero

An obituary for Roger Herman Ingram

My dad was born December 9, 1941 in the small Oregon town of Albany. Known mostly for logging and farming, Albany would serve as the backdrop for what many would consider the mythical childhood of the 40’s and 50’s, with not much to do but listen to shows like The Adventures of Superman and The Lone Ranger on the radio, read comic books and have adventures in the great outdoors. It would also be the very upbringing that would lead Dad to enlist in the military and serve in Vietnam. That decision ultimately claimed his life, though not until many years later.

The child of William Burl Ingram and Wilma Seehale Ingram, Dad was the fifth generation son of an Oregon pioneer family. His dad’s family went across the Oregon Trail, while his mother’s family went by ship to Panama and walked across what would now be near the Panama Canal to catch another ship to the pristine and breathtaking Pacific Northwest. Small wonder that he dearly loved spending summers in the Cascade Mountains, often spending all of his vacation time fishing and camping with his Uncle Herman and his dad at Clear Lake, the headwaters of the McKenzie River.

In the video below, Dad and I discuss what it was like growing up in the 1940s and 1950s.

Dad wasn’t sure exactly what he wanted to do with his life when the Vietnam War came along. He didn’t want to follow his father as a gas station owner and politician (Linn County Commissioner) and he didn’t want to take over his aunt and uncle’s City View Cemetery in Salem. A chance to see the world was exactly the right opportunity for Dad, who enlisted as an officer in the Air Force and left to serve his country. For a kid who went to graduated from Albany High School in 1960 and earned his Bachelor’s from Linfield College (now Linfield University) in the equally small hamlet of McMinnville, Oregon, a trip across the world was a mind-blowing adventure.

While Dad was in Officer Training School in Kansas in 1966 he met a young woman from North Carolina named Cathy Hanna, whom he asked out because his best friend wanted to date her best friend, and that would eventually lead to me. That’s another story.

Following OTC, Dad was assigned to the Third Air Force, where he earned the rank of Captain before serving in Vietnam from 1968-1969. He was then stationed on Torrejón Air Force Base in Madrid, Spain (where I was born in 1971) and then Lakenheath Air Force Base in England. Dad loved both of these assignments as he was essentially a hospitality officer and that was right up his alley. Unfortunately, Mom and Dad divorced while Dad was stationed in England. When Mom left for her parents’ North Carolina home she took me with her, which saddened Dad greatly (he told me years later).

Don’t worry – Dad met his true soul mate later, so stay tuned.

After serving his term in the Air Force, Dad was honorably discharged in 1974. He decided to get his Master’s Degree in psychology from Ball State University in Muncie, Indiana. That was a relatively short drive from North Carolina, so we saw each other often. He then moved to Salem Oregon, a place we would call home for decades. It was a relatively long flight from Charlotte, NC, to Portland, OR, and then a short drive to Salem. (If they had frequent flier miles when I was a kid I’d be set for life, but that’s also a different story.) Over the next few years Dad struggled to find himself, going from a psychologist working for the State to a number of years owning children’s book stores (Book Land and School Daze) and ultimately finding his calling as an investment counselor. He was always looking for ways to chase his passion to help people and he found great fulfillment in securing financial futures for his clients and his family.

Oregon is beautiful, but it takes a lot of rain to keep all of those pine trees going strong. In the winter of 1994 Dad and I saw a movie entitled “My Father the Hero,” set in the Caribbean. I jokingly said we needed to take a cruise to get out of the rain for a bit and the next day he called me with a trip all planned out. We set sail from New Orleans on a ship that took us to Grand Cayman, Cozumel and Jamaica, and on this trip Dad met Barbara Reynolds, a meeting that forever changed our lives. They married not long after, she moved from her home in Louisiana to Salem, and they were married for nearly three decades until Dad’s death did them part on January 10, 2024.

Dad’s great joys in life were reading, philosophical discussion, Monty Python, movies, popcorn, music – especially the vocal stylings of John Denver and John Prine – and above all else, family. He emphasized being open-minded, setting aside religious and political dogma to explore the true meaning of life, and also finding the fun and joy in life, especially at times when things seemed bleak or overly serious. He was also the most patient person I have ever known.

Dad’s proudest accomplishment, apart from having my sister, Jodi Ingram Manore and me, was his founding of the Coffee Party USA discussion group in Owensboro, Kentucky. He and Mom (Barbara became a fabulous second mom to me and Jo) retired there to be closer to the rest of the family. Founded at a time when the so-called “Tea Party” was making political discussion uglier than it had ever been, the Coffee Party provided a safe space to ask questions and talk about issues without partisan name-calling and divisive talking points. That group continues to thrive and is even more important as the MAGA movement threatens to end America’s Democracy. For more information, visit the group’s Facebook page here!

Sadly, over the last few years we learned a great deal about something I had only heard mentioned in passing previously. Agent Orange is a chemical the US military used to clear jungle foliage in Vietnam. Unfortunately, this toxic chemical, which is still in use by the military today, also wrecks havoc with the troops who are exposed to it. Dad was exposed in Vietnam, and as a result he had a number of lifelong maladies of increasing seriousness that ultimately caused his kidneys to slowly fail and ended his life.

Dad’s favorite place on Earth was Clear Lake, and sitting on a boat in Clear Lake was where we solved most of life’s big mysteries together. Here are a few of the Answers we came up with:

What is God? A Force that surrounds us, penetrates us and binds the galaxy together. Religion too often works against that Force.

What are the secrets of life? Helping others, loving family, being uniters and not dividers, being patient and open-minded.

Politics: Democrats are not perfect and they need constant reminding to stand up and fight for what they believe in. Despite their faults, at least they aren’t “fucking Republicans,” as Dad often said in private.

Philosophy: Never stop learning. There are always more books to read and more ideas to discover. Find like-minded people and get together to discuss the more challenging concepts often – preferably over coffee. Most of all, don’t give in to hate. It leads to the Dark Side.

Important Lessons Dad Taught Me:

1. It’s OK to be the only one in the room doing the right thing.
2. When you find that someone can’t be pleased, stop trying to please them.
3. Avoid closed-minded, angry people.
4. Love your kids with steadfast constancy and patience.
5. Be kind to strangers. You don’t know what burdens they may carry.
6. Laugh. Laugh often. Laugh hard. Laugh at silly things and don’t be afraid to laugh in serious times.
7. Never work in a cemetery. Sure, people are dying to see you and you have thousands of people under you, but it’s a kind of dead end job.
8. The great secrets of life are explored in movies, books and music. Consume as much as you can and mine the nuggets.
9. Eat more popcorn.
10. Chase your dreams, even when others tell you they are impossible. Nothing’s impossible if you’re willing to work for it and refuse to take no for an answer.

In memory of Roger Herman Ingram. I’ll love you always, Daddy.

-Bill (William Burl Ingram II)

Dad’s body will be interred at Mount Crest Abbey at City View Cemetery in Salem. There his remains will rest with those of his parents, his beloved sister Fern Hilts and her husband Bill, his incredible niece Diane Hilts Jacobsen for whom we named my daughter, Riley Diane Ingram, and his niece Molly Cliff Hilts.